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Ask a Sexpert
Ask a Sexpert is designed to provide information about safe sex, HIV, sexually transmitted infections and other sexuality and sexual health issues. All questions are answered by a New Zealand AIDS Foundation staff member first, before other users can add their own response. Ask a Sexpert is not a substitute for advice from a health professional.
Hi my condoms have not shown up, not that i'm in a hurry i'm just wondering, is there a big demand or shortage ?
View responses (1)i wonted to try on a condom but i am too nervous to let my dad know what should i do
View responses (1)sexpert, 6 September 2010
If you’re thinking about becoming sexually active then talking to someone about sex and being safe can be difficult, but it is really important. If you have trouble talking to your parents there are other people who you may find it easier to talk to.
You could try your school counsellor, Youthline 0800 37 66 33, or (if you are gay or bi) OUTLine (0800 688 5463) or curious.org.nz. You’re right to think that condoms are important – they protect you and your partner from HIV and most other Sexually Transmitted Infections.
They are available at supermarkets, pharmacies, and are available in bulk for only $3 from your nearest sexual health clinic or Family Planning. Also, Get it On! can send you some condoms in an unmarked envelope, just go here http://condoms.getiton.co.nz/
OK serious question. I'm normally a top, but my boyfriend is putting on the guilts and telling me I have to bottom for him. I wish I could bottom but it feels horrible every time I try it. I feel sorry for him and I want to be proactive about it, so I'm considering getting a butt plug. My question is: Do people really use butt plugs to loosen up their ass-holes? Like, do people really walk around with butt plugs up their ass-holes all day to work etc so that they're loose when you try stick a penis up there? He says they do. Am I like the most gullable person ever or is this true? Surely you can tell if someone is wearing a butt plug to work, can't you *looks around*? I wonder if that's why so many people on Ponsonby road look like they've got carrots stuck up their asses?
View responses (1)sexpert, 7 September 2010
Ok, long answer time!
First of all, you should never feel pressured into having any kind of sex. Being a bottom is not for everyone and is something that can take time and practice to get used to. You shouldn’t rush anal sex as you can hurt yourself, or damage the very sensitive fragile tissue around the anus.
It is true that some people walk around with butt plugs up their ass though this is more of a fetish, than a way of loosening up the ass. Many enjoy both the physical sensation as well as the thrill of people around them not knowing.
In case you don’t have a butt plug handy, there are many other ways of relaxing the anus so that it is receptive to objects. Loads of foreplay such as kissing and sucking will help you to relax. Stimulating your ass with a well lubed finger is a good start. Try doing this in a warm shower when you’re starting off. Remember to always use plenty of water-based or synthetic lube as the anus is very sensitive. Work up to two or three fingers until you get used to the sensation.
It is important that before you get fucked that you have been to the toilet (number 2’s), douching can also help. When you first start to get fucked you will again need to use plenty of lube (and a condom!), and make sure the guy fucking you understands that this is a new sensation for you. Take your time and feel confident to say stop at any time. This might take some practice to get used to as often when you first start getting fucked, your body is getting used to the sensation and recognises this as needing to take a shit. This sensation will pass but you need to relax – try breathing through the sensation.
You can try experimenting with a dildo (start small) if you feel unsure about it. This can be a good way to get used to having something go in and out of your ass. If you feel up to it, you can ask your partner to play with you. Remember not to share dildos without putting a condom over them and changing the condom for each partner.
being homosexual is not a choice Right? and can it mean the sexual attraction of male features (e.g. hair or muscle)?
View responses (1)The Sexpert, 31 August 2010
Feeling sexualy attracted to members of the same sex as yourself is not generally considered a choice, and the level of attraction can vary from person to person. Whether you choose to act on this attraction is entirely up to you. If you are experiencing some level of same-sex attractions, and feel like you’d like to talk to someone about it, you can chat to the team at OutlineNZ (0800 OutlineNZ), or if you’re under 28 you can contact Rainbow Youth (http://www.rainbowyouth.org.nz).
I am a constint MASTERBATOR is there anything wrong with that
View responses (2)The Sexpert, 31 August 2010
Masturbating is totally normal, and there is no daily minimum or maximum number of times people do it. If it’s concerning you though, you could have a chat to your GP or sexual health professional.
I really love having sex and when i want it but theres no one around to have it with, i jerk off is it bad to have a wank more than 10 times a day?
View responses (1)The Sexpert, 31 August 2010
Same as the above answer 
Masturbating is totally normal, and there is no daily minimum or maximum number of times to do it. If it’s concerning you though, you could have a chat to your GP or sexual health professional.
if i go with call girl or prostitue but i dont intercourse, but i do kissing & smootching,huging. it is secure
View responses (1)The Sexpert, 31 August 2010
All of the things you describe are extremely low risk for HIV. Condoms and lube will protect you from HIV and other STIs if you decide to go further with your sex worker.
will masturbating affect my baby or my sperms
View responses (2)The Sexpert, 31 August 2010
The short answer is no, there is no evidence that masturbating lowers your sperm count.
Hi I m 26 years old n I want to make a friendship and have sex with but I m so scared of this that's why I am not able to make a friendship with any one else so advice what should I do
View responses (1)The Sexpert, 31 August 2010
Making friends can sometimes be a daunting process. Being yourself, relaxed, open and honest with people is a good place to start. You could try discussing this with the crew at Youthline, OutlineNZ, Rainbow Youth or The New Zealand AIDS Foundation also offers free counselling.
does it effect your baby? if you were pregnant.
View responses (2)sexpert, 17 August 2010
If you mean, is it okay to have sex when you are pregnant, then yes, it is fine to have sex all the way through your pregnancy. The only instance it may not be okay, is if you have pregnancy complications, if you are concerned about this talk to your doctor or midwife.
Remember to continue to use condoms and lube; because, while you can’t get pregnant, you can still get an STI if you have unprotected sex!
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Sexpert, 8 September 2010
They should have shown up after a few working days, if it’s been longer than that please resubmit your request :( We are right on target for deliveries so there may have been another issue.