STI's / HIV
Top Four Q&A (STI's / HIV)
All Q&A (STI's / HIV)
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Q. Me and my boyfriend are both virgins and we are planning on having sex soon. I have been in other relationships but nothing really serious happened and I know I’m his first relationship. Should we get checked for STIs/STDs before we have sex? Can we even catch an STI/STD since we are both virgins?
A.View AnswerIt depends what you mean by “nothing really serious”. If you have had oral sex there is a chance of contracting certain STIs/STDs although the risk is still relatively low compared to other activities such as unprotected anal sex.
You probably don’t need to get tested. Just make sure you use condoms and water-based lube every time you have sex. It’s important to use condoms and lube, even if you’re in a relationship, because approximately half of all HIV infections among gay and bisexual men in NZ occur within relationships. That is, one partner unwittingly passes HIV onto the other partner without even realising they had it. So to protect yourself and your boyfriend you should get into the habit of using condoms and lube from your first time.
It may be a difficult conversation to have with your boyfriend, but it’s an important one to have if you want to protect each other. It might go something like this:
“Because you care for me I know that it would be really hard to tell me you’d fucked someone else. And it would be hard for me to tell you if I did the same. Since nothing’s as important as caring for each other, let’s use condoms.”
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Q. My boyfriend and I want to have unprotected sex. It will be my first time, and every time he had sex he used a condom. Can I contract an STI from him? Should I ask him to be checked?
A.View AnswerWithout being pessimistic, you don’t know for sure that he has always used condoms despite what he tells you. If he has asked you to have sex without condoms then how do you know he hasn’t also asked others? And if he had unprotected sex before, despite not exhibiting any symptoms, he may be carrying an STI (including HIV) and pass it on. Testing for STI’s is definitely a good idea, but the only way to really relax and know that your sex is safe is to use condoms and lube every time.
Also, if you continue a sexual relationship with this guy how do you know what else he is up to? Monogamy is not something you count on as a prevention method and we certainly wouldn’t recommend anyone do so. The reality is that approximately half of all HIV infections among gay and bisexual men in NZ occur within relationships. That is, one partner unwittingly passes HIV onto the other partner without even realising they had it.
It may be a difficult conversation to have with your partner, but it’s an important one to have if you want to protect each other. It might go something like this:“Because you care for me I know that it would be really hard to tell me you’d fucked someone else. That you’d had unprotected sex, and to be honest about everything else you might get up to. And it would be hard for me to tell you if I did any of those things. Since nothing’s as important as caring for each other, let’s use condoms.”
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Q. I am very worried about having HIV. I gave a guy I know vaguely well head for about a minute unprotected. There was no ejaculation but there was pre-cum. I freaked out about HIV and got a test, 4th gen duo, at 3 weeks that was negative, and another one at 6 weeks negative. I was told by my sexual health advisor that the both tests I had could be considered conclusive because they assessed my risk and said it was basically non-existent. To this day I have a few petechia minor spots on my arms that I'm not sure if they were there before this exposure, and I have inflamed adenoids as diagnosed by ENT. Can I move on from this? It's been nearly a year and I still can't move on with my life. Do I need to test again?
A.View AnswerYour exposure was minimal risk in the first place so you needn’t worry too much. Your 2 negative results at 3-weeks and 6-weeks both seem to indicate that you do not have HIV.
However, it sounds like the event is still causing a level of anxiety that is affecting you. It is not uncommon to experience this type of anxiety and it is important that you talk to a professional who can help you work through it. You can contact NZAF on 0800 80 2437 to make an appointment with one of their free counsellors, or click on the link below.
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Q. Can you get HIV if your partner doesn’t have it? Say two guys are going to have sex and both are virgins. Can they still get HIV from having sex unprotected?
A.View AnswerIf you are both virgins then the chances of either of you having HIV are very low, unless you’ve been in contact with infected blood at some point. So your risk of infecting one another is low. But if you start having sex without condoms, how will you keep safe over time?
Without being pessimistic, you don’t know for sure that he is a virgin despite what he tells you. Also, if you continue a sexual relationship with this guy how do you know what else he is up to? Monogamy is not something you count on as a prevention method and we certainly wouldn’t recommend anyone do so. The reality is that approximately half of all HIV infections among gay and bisexual men in NZ occur within relationships. That is, one partner unwittingly passes HIV onto the other partner without even realising they had it.
It may be a difficult conversation to have with your partner, but it’s an important one to have if you want to protect each other. It might go something like this:
“Because you care for me I know that it would be really hard to tell me you’d fucked someone else, that you’d had unprotected sex, and to be honest about everything else you might get up to. Just like it would be hard for me to tell you if I did any of those things. Since nothing’s as important as caring for each other, let’s use condoms.”
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Q. Is it possible to get an STI/STD or HIV if you are having bareback sex in a monogamous relationship and you’ve both tested negative for everything?
A.View AnswerYes it is possible for a couple of reasons.
First, an STI like HIV can take up to 3-months from the date of infection to show up in a test. So even if you’ve tested negative you need to take into account this 3-month ‘window period’.
Second, without being pessimistic, monogamy is not something you count on as a prevention method and we certainly wouldn’t recommend anyone do so. The reality is that approximately half of all HIV infections among gay and bisexual men in NZ occur within relationships. That is, one partner unwittingly passes HIV onto the other partner without even realising they had it.
It may be a difficult conversation to have with your partner, but it’s an important one to have if you want to protect each other. It might go something like this:
“Because you care for me I know that it would be really hard to tell me you’d fucked someone else, that you’d had unprotected sex, and to be honest about everything else you might get up to. Just like it would be hard for me to tell you if I did any of those things. Since nothing’s as important as caring for each other, let’s use condoms.”
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Q. Recently, I've been extremely worried. I engage in sex for the first time (Im 18) with a guy who's 19 and we had unprotected oral sex with each other (both receptive and insertive oral sex) Im really afraid that I have contracted HIV from him. It hasn't helped either that I have spent literally hours on Google looking up information on HIV from oral sex and this has only further fuelled my anxiety. It has gotten to the stage where Im feeling a bit suicidal. He has assured me that he's negative saying he tested negative 2 weeks ago and I have kept on asking him to the point that he's said I'm overreacting, but I cant trust him as he said he has multiple sex partners in the past. I know that there's a very small chance (that I could have contracted the virus via oral sex with him (about 1 in 10000 according to the CDC) assuming that he was even HIV+ hence why I'm worried cos Im afraid I could have taken that 1 in 10000 chance. My question is what is the likelihood that I could have contracted HIV from him and will a test at 6 weeks/ 3 months / 6 months be fully conclusive for the low risk activity that I engaged in? And during the time that he gave me a blowjob, could his saliva have entered the tip of my penis and cause me to contract HIV? Also when I gave him a blowjob (he's uncircumcised) could just sucking him also cause me to contract the virus. One thing to note is that we did not ejaculated into each other's mouth and also engaged in frottaging. I am so very worried and scared of the unknown !! :( Thank you very much!
A.View AnswerAs you have read online, the risk of contracting HIV from oral sex is very very low. To give you some peace of mind, you can get tested now and then get tested again in a few months when the window period has closed. We are concerned about your levels of anxiety - a blowjob is supposed to be fun and really shouldn’t cause you this much worry. We suggest you contact our friends at NZAF, they can arrange a FASTest for you (a quick HIV test and you’ll have the results in 20 min) and they have counselors who can help you work through your anxiety. They are very professional and care about your wellbeing. Call them on 0800 80 2437.
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Q. My penis foreskin is really tight and it won't fold back at all when erect. I have seen my GP and I am currently awaiting a referral. If I have sex in the meantime, what infections am I and my sexual partner at risk of?
A.View AnswerRegardless of what is happening with your foreskin, if you use condoms and lube you are very low risk of any infections. Click on the link below to order free condoms and lube.
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Q. I got very drunk and had sex with a female sex worker in queenstown. She gave me oral without a condom but we used a condom for vaginal, however as we were both so drunk I cant remember how effectively we would have used them. A few weeks later I was very sick with a fever. I'm pretty concerned about my risks. Am I in a high risk for HIV/AIDS?
A.View AnswerOral sex without a condom is very low risk for contracting HIV, as is vaginal sex. Your risks are low but you should still get tested, especially given your symptoms. NZAF provide a free, anonymous, simple test that will tell you your HIV or STI status within 20 minutes. Click on the link below to book a test.
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Q. I’m male and I got drunk and had unprotected sex for almost 10 min. I did not cum because after I realised what I was doing I stopped. Then I went to pee because I heard it's better and washed my penis (I'm circumcised). So what are the chances of catching HIV?
A.View AnswerRegardless of the fact that you washed your penis and had a pee afterwards, having unprotected anal sex does put you at greater risk of contracting HIV. The best thing to do is contact our friends at NZAF and arrange a FASTest - a free HIV test that takes less than 20 minutes. You can call them on 0800 80 2437. And feel free to order some free condom and lube packs to keep in your pocket - that way you can have worry-free hot sex next time. Just click on the link below
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Q. I have had several encounters with male sex workers.Only masturbation and anal fingering received. What are my risks of HIV?
A.View AnswerThe risk of contracting HIV through masturbation or fingering is really really low. If you are still concerned it may be helpful to speak to someone, the NZAF offers free nationwide counselling.
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Q. My boyfriend has HIV and I don't... If I use a condom am I safe from catching HIV?
A.View AnswerCondoms and water based lube, when used consistently and correctly, are highly effective in preventing the sexual transmission of HIV. If you have any questions about putting on a condom feel free to check out this video: http://www.getiton.co.nz/condoms-lube/how-to-put-on-a-condom/
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Q. I’m a 20yr old female and have been having unprotected sex with my boyfriend of 6yrs for the last 5yrs. For the last week or so I’ve been getting brown discharge and am late for my period. Any advice what it is? Also I know my boyfriend hasn’t got any STI's because we were both virgins when we got together. I had a miscarriage 5 years ago but I haven't fallen pregnant since, is there something wrong with me?
A.View AnswerIf your period is late you should have a pregnancy test, however sometimes women do have an irregular cycle. We would also suggest a sexual health check just to be on the safe side as some infections can affect fertility, and to find out what is causing the discharge (NB- an infection may not necessarily be sexually transmitted). You can have a pregnancy test and sexual health check with your family doctor, FPA, or your local sexual health clinic. Phone 0800 739432 for the details of your local clinic.
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Q. I have met a new man and he is HIV positive. I'm HIV negative. If I wear a condom to have anal sex with him is it safe for me?
A.View AnswerCondoms and water based lube, when used consistently and correctly, are highly effective in preventing the sexual transmission of HIV. If you have any questions about putting on a condom feel free to check out this video: http://www.getiton.co.nz/condoms-lube/how-to-put-on-a-condom/
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Q. My boyfriend is really horny. He turns 18 in a week and he only wants dick, anyone's dick. That turns me on but worries me. What is happening to us? And what can we do about it?
A.View AnswerThe best thing to do is talk about it with your partner and agree what you are both comfortable with. It can be an awkward conversation at first but it sounds like one you need to have. Do you want monogamy? Do you want to let each other have sex outside the relationship? What are the limits? There’s no right or wrong answer here - the most important thing is that you are both happy with what you decide.
Be sure to use condoms and lube every time - even with each other. You could have a conversation like this:
“Because you care for me I know that it would be really hard to tell me you’d fucked someone else, that you’d had unprotected sex, and to be honest about everything else you might get up to. Just like it would be hard for me to tell you if I did any of those things. Since nothing’s as important as caring for each other, let’s use condoms.”
Lastly, our friends at NZAF have a free counseling service so you might like to consider talking to them about it (you can visit the counselors individually or as a couple). You can call NZAF on 0800 802437 to make an appointment.
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Q. I am 22yo and my girlfriend is also 22yo. We kiss and smooch. I also masturbate her vagina with my fingers. I did this several times in the last few months. The last couple of months she got her period around the 25th of the month. She was expecting her period around last week of October... But on the 21st or 22nd October I kissed her and masturbated her vagina with my fingers... she is scared since she hasn't got her period yet. Is there a possibility of pregnancy or she is not getting her period because I masturbate her just before her period date.
A.View AnswerThere is no possibility of pregnancy or STI transmission from masturbation or kissing, they are two really safe ways to express yourself sexually. Oral sex is also low risk for passing STI’s and has no risk of pregnancy. However, it is important to wear a condom every time you have anal or vaginal sex to protect you both from STI’s and pregnancy. If you are concerned about her getting pregnant, it’s worth going to a GP or sexual health clinic to discuss contraception with them to find something that is best for her and you.
In terms of her periods, relax - masturbation will not have an effect on them. There are lots of things like hormonal changes which can potentially impact a woman’s menstrual cycle and it’s a good idea for your girlfriend to make an appointment with her GP to talk about her issues if she’s worried. All Doctors should be very supportive & helpful to you both.
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Q. I'm 19 and I'm gay. My penis has these bright red spots on it and they are so sore. I always use a condom with my man and also my penis is curved and when I have anal with my man it hurts him. How can I fix these horrible problems?
A.View AnswerFirst, the red spots - It’s hard to tell exactly what it is from your description, however there is a chance it could be an STI. We recommend you get a sexual health checkup as soon as possible. The various places you can get a checkup are in the link below.
As for your curved penis, a quick Google search will reveal thousands of various methods of straightening a curved penis, many of which are non-surgical. However it’s always best to talk to a professional than to rely on information found on-line. We suggest you talk to a specialist who can help you make an informed decision. If you’re not sure who to talk to you can call our friends at NZAF on 0800 802437 - one of their counsellors should be able to refer you to a specialist in this area.
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Q. I had sex with a random guy about 2 weeks ago. He was a bit older than me. We used a condom and lube and all that and I was on the bottom. Unfortunately the condom broke right when he came and he came inside me. He apologised and insisted that he is clean. Obviously that means nothing. And I know HIV won't show up in a blood test for atleast 3 months so I'm unsure what to do in the mean time... is there is anything I should be doing?
A.View AnswerYou can get tested right away and you can do so by calling our friends at NZAF on 0800 802 437. 3 months is considered the international benchmark i.e. it could take up to that long for antibodies to be detected but in many cases they appear earlier. A diagnoses is possible earlier than the 3 month mark.
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Q. What are your thoughts on going to a gay sauna (e.g. Centurian). I'm worried that heaps of the guys there will have HIV/Aids and that consequentially I could get it. Are these venues suitable for younger guys say 18ish, do they attract mostly older men?
A.View AnswerSaunas can be a great way to meet other guys for sex. Some guys prefer saunas to dating sites because it’s easier to see what you’re getting - no-one can hide behind fake profiles or pics that are 5 years old. There’s nothing to suggest that more guys at saunas have HIV, compared to other hook-up spaces such as dating sites or beats. If you use condoms and water-based lube you don’t need to worry. As for the age thing, venues cater for guys of all ages, if you go and don’t find anyone you want to hookup with, then that’s fine, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.
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Q. I have had sex with an unknown girl. I met her in a club then we came home and I fucked her without a condom. It's the first time I've had sex without a condom and I'm not sure about that girl. She has had sex before and she was telling me that she has also fucked unprotected once with another guy...I am afraid now :( Could I have HIV ?? Please help I'm 21 and she is 18.
A.View AnswerIf you’ve had unprotected sex then there is an increased chance of contracting HIV and other STIs such as syphilis and Hepatitis C. If you are concerned we suggest you call our friends at NZAF on 0800 802437 and book a free FASTest for HIV, syphilis and Hepatitis C. One painless finger prick is all they need from you, and within 10-20 minutes you will have your test results. Appointments can be booked anytime Monday to Friday, between 9am and 5pm.
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Q. My girlfriend wants to have anal sex and i'm willing to but we don't want to use a condom and get caught so, no condom. What can happen if I cum in her butt?
A.View AnswerWe’re not sure what you mean by getting caught - if you mean that you’re worried someone will find the used condom in the trash then you could always flush it down the toilet (don’t tell MetroWater we said that). Regardless, we recommend you use a condom because unprotected anal sex is by far the riskiest sexual activity, around 20 times riskier than vaginal sex.
Your dick is very vulnerable when it comes to STIs. It’s the moist lining inside the dick eye (the little hole at the end) and under your foreskin if you’re uncut that allows STIs to enter your body. And then there’s her arse - the lining of the arse is like a sponge that easily absorbs STIs. Condoms are the way to go.
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Q. If six weeks after having sex with a guy where I was being fucked (I'm a guy too) I'm getting a sore throat and dry skin that started a couple of weeks after and wont go away, could that mean there may be something wrong? I was negative before I met this guy and we wore condoms..
A.View AnswerIf you had unprotected oral sex it is possible you have picked up an infection in your throat such as gonorrhoea. If you have concerns you should seek medical advice. We recommend that you arrange an appointment at a Sexual Health Clinic and get tested.
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Q. Hey, I let a stranger suck me off the other day at a glory hole, I was wearing a condom and I'm pretty sure all the cum was caught at the end of the condom. Do you think I have any risk of being infected with HIV?
A.View AnswerThe risk of contracting HIV through receptive oral sex whilst wearing a condom is really really low. If you are still concerned it may be helpful to speak to someone, the NZAF offers free nationwide counselling.
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Q. A week ago I had sex with a guy I have been with once before. This week I had an HIV test and it came back negative so I must be clear from the first time I was with him as it is now outside the window period. The last time (a week ago) I was the ^bottom^ and he wore a condom , and also pulled out long before he came. He says he tested 2 months ago and was also clear, but now I have this annoying paranoid feeling that’s hard to shake. I know I did everything right with condoms and lube, and the fact he didn’t finish inside must help a bit. Would there be much of a chance of getting anything? I also plan to get tested again in a few weeks .
A.View AnswerHi, the window period for HIV is 3 months, so if your last test was 3 months after a possible infection point was negative then you are fine. In regards to the sex you had last week, awesome! You did everything right, and as a result you don’t need to worry about having contracted HIV. Condoms and lube allow you to have worry-free, hot sex. This means that both the status of your partner, and pulling out (pre-cum can contain HIV so if you don’t use a condom pulling out is not a prevention method!) are irrelevant, you can just relax and have fun.
If you still have concerns it may help to talk to someone about it, the NZAF provides free nationwide counselling, just ring 080080AIDS to make an appointment.
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Q. Hey, I'm a virgin and am contemplating hiring a male escort for sex. What are your thoughts on this? Also If I do go through with it and we both wear condoms, do you think I’ll be safe? (disease wise).
A.View AnswerHi, we are not here to judge anybody for who they have sex with, what we do care about is that whenever you have (hopefully awesome) sex you are using condoms & lube, and therefore safe from HIV and other STIs. The first time you have anal sex can BE a long and difficult process, and to ensure you are safe, it is not something you should rush. Whoever your first partner is, be sure it is someone you can communicate with, and who with whom you can be confident and relaxed. For more info check out our First Timers guide http://www.getiton.co.nz/great-sex-safe-sex/first-timers/
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Q. I met this cool older guy online, and we are going to have sex and that, I've only been with 2 dudes, and always used a condom, I'm not sure how many guys he has been with but has been in two long relationships. We are both super keen to try bareback sex, but i only want to if it is super safe, if he and I were to get tested and have the certificates, and all was ok, would that make it safe? Ok? Another question is using his cum for lube to make me cum dangerous? I'm uncut.... Thanks
A.View AnswerIt’s awesome that you’ve always used condoms in the previous times you’ve had sex, as this is the only way to really relax and be safe in the knowledge that your sex is hot, steamy and safe. To properly answer your question it might help to break up the answer.
First of all, how come you want to have bareback sex? If you are a top you might imagine it feels better without a condom, but how about trying some different types, sizes etc? There are heaps of different brands and shapes; there will be one that works for you, promise! If you are the bottom, ask yourself, how many other guys has he asked this of? Whatever his reasons are, your health and safety is waaay more important than his pleasure. If he really liked you, he wouldn’t ask you to compromise your health for him.
Secondly, even if you’ve both had HIV and STI tests, how many times has he had unprotected anal sex since his last test? Don’t forget, he is asking you to have unsafe sex with him too. Also, and very importantly, there is up to a 3 month window when someone can have HIV and still test negative. We can’t say enough that what you are suggesting (also known as ‘negotiated safety’) is not a safe strategy for reducing your risk of contracting HIV. In fact there are a lot of guys out there who now have HIV through practicing this.
The only way to be safe is to use a condom and lube every time you have anal sex.
Finally, yes, using his cum as lube to wank with is potentially dangerous, as cum can carry HIV, just use water-based or silicon lube.
We really hope you continue your commitment to safe hot sex, if you want to talk it out some more you can get in touch with the NZAF, they have a fantastic free, nationwide testing and counselling service, just ring 0800 80 2437 or click here for more info http://www.nzaf.org.nz/our-services/item/talking-to-someone.