Risky Business
Top Four Q&A (Risky Business)
All Q&A (Risky Business)
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Q. My boyfriend and I want to have unprotected sex. It will be my first time, and every time he had sex he used a condom. Can I contract an STI from him? Should I ask him to be checked?
A.View AnswerWithout being pessimistic, you don’t know for sure that he has always used condoms despite what he tells you. If he has asked you to have sex without condoms then how do you know he hasn’t also asked others? And if he had unprotected sex before, despite not exhibiting any symptoms, he may be carrying an STI (including HIV) and pass it on. Testing for STI’s is definitely a good idea, but the only way to really relax and know that your sex is safe is to use condoms and lube every time.
Also, if you continue a sexual relationship with this guy how do you know what else he is up to? Monogamy is not something you count on as a prevention method and we certainly wouldn’t recommend anyone do so. The reality is that approximately half of all HIV infections among gay and bisexual men in NZ occur within relationships. That is, one partner unwittingly passes HIV onto the other partner without even realising they had it.
It may be a difficult conversation to have with your partner, but it’s an important one to have if you want to protect each other. It might go something like this:“Because you care for me I know that it would be really hard to tell me you’d fucked someone else. That you’d had unprotected sex, and to be honest about everything else you might get up to. And it would be hard for me to tell you if I did any of those things. Since nothing’s as important as caring for each other, let’s use condoms.”
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Q. Can you get HIV if your partner doesn’t have it? Say two guys are going to have sex and both are virgins. Can they still get HIV from having sex unprotected?
A.View AnswerIf you are both virgins then the chances of either of you having HIV are very low, unless you’ve been in contact with infected blood at some point. So your risk of infecting one another is low. But if you start having sex without condoms, how will you keep safe over time?
Without being pessimistic, you don’t know for sure that he is a virgin despite what he tells you. Also, if you continue a sexual relationship with this guy how do you know what else he is up to? Monogamy is not something you count on as a prevention method and we certainly wouldn’t recommend anyone do so. The reality is that approximately half of all HIV infections among gay and bisexual men in NZ occur within relationships. That is, one partner unwittingly passes HIV onto the other partner without even realising they had it.
It may be a difficult conversation to have with your partner, but it’s an important one to have if you want to protect each other. It might go something like this:
“Because you care for me I know that it would be really hard to tell me you’d fucked someone else, that you’d had unprotected sex, and to be honest about everything else you might get up to. Just like it would be hard for me to tell you if I did any of those things. Since nothing’s as important as caring for each other, let’s use condoms.”
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Q. Is it possible to get an STI/STD or HIV if you are having bareback sex in a monogamous relationship and you’ve both tested negative for everything?
A.View AnswerYes it is possible for a couple of reasons.
First, an STI like HIV can take up to 3-months from the date of infection to show up in a test. So even if you’ve tested negative you need to take into account this 3-month ‘window period’.
Second, without being pessimistic, monogamy is not something you count on as a prevention method and we certainly wouldn’t recommend anyone do so. The reality is that approximately half of all HIV infections among gay and bisexual men in NZ occur within relationships. That is, one partner unwittingly passes HIV onto the other partner without even realising they had it.
It may be a difficult conversation to have with your partner, but it’s an important one to have if you want to protect each other. It might go something like this:
“Because you care for me I know that it would be really hard to tell me you’d fucked someone else, that you’d had unprotected sex, and to be honest about everything else you might get up to. Just like it would be hard for me to tell you if I did any of those things. Since nothing’s as important as caring for each other, let’s use condoms.”
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Q. I’m male and I got drunk and had unprotected sex for almost 10 min. I did not cum because after I realised what I was doing I stopped. Then I went to pee because I heard it's better and washed my penis (I'm circumcised). So what are the chances of catching HIV?
A.View AnswerRegardless of the fact that you washed your penis and had a pee afterwards, having unprotected anal sex does put you at greater risk of contracting HIV. The best thing to do is contact our friends at NZAF and arrange a FASTest - a free HIV test that takes less than 20 minutes. You can call them on 0800 80 2437. And feel free to order some free condom and lube packs to keep in your pocket - that way you can have worry-free hot sex next time. Just click on the link below
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Q. I have had several encounters with male sex workers.Only masturbation and anal fingering received. What are my risks of HIV?
A.View AnswerThe risk of contracting HIV through masturbation or fingering is really really low. If you are still concerned it may be helpful to speak to someone, the NZAF offers free nationwide counselling.
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Q. My boyfriend has HIV and I don't... If I use a condom am I safe from catching HIV?
A.View AnswerCondoms and water based lube, when used consistently and correctly, are highly effective in preventing the sexual transmission of HIV. If you have any questions about putting on a condom feel free to check out this video: http://www.getiton.co.nz/condoms-lube/how-to-put-on-a-condom/
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Q. My boyfriend is really horny. He turns 18 in a week and he only wants dick, anyone's dick. That turns me on but worries me. What is happening to us? And what can we do about it?
A.View AnswerThe best thing to do is talk about it with your partner and agree what you are both comfortable with. It can be an awkward conversation at first but it sounds like one you need to have. Do you want monogamy? Do you want to let each other have sex outside the relationship? What are the limits? There’s no right or wrong answer here - the most important thing is that you are both happy with what you decide.
Be sure to use condoms and lube every time - even with each other. You could have a conversation like this:
“Because you care for me I know that it would be really hard to tell me you’d fucked someone else, that you’d had unprotected sex, and to be honest about everything else you might get up to. Just like it would be hard for me to tell you if I did any of those things. Since nothing’s as important as caring for each other, let’s use condoms.”
Lastly, our friends at NZAF have a free counseling service so you might like to consider talking to them about it (you can visit the counselors individually or as a couple). You can call NZAF on 0800 802437 to make an appointment.
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Q. My boyfriend enjoys oral but whenever I give it to him he cums in my mouth. It tastes like off milk - is there anything he can eat to make it taste better?
A.View AnswerFirstly, you don’t have to let him cum in your mouth if you don’t like it. It’s not uncommon for guys to warn you when they’re about to cum and give you the option to take it in your mouth or not. If he’s not all that thoughtful you might consider letting him know how it tastes by holding it in your mouth and then kissing him. He might realise it’s a bit gross and think twice about it next time.
If you like having him cum in your mouth but just don’t like the taste, there are a few options. We’ve heard pineapple (real, not canned) works particularly well. There’s also some great ideas here: http://www.ironmagazineforums.com/sexual-health/73298-how-make-your-cum-taste-better.html
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Q. I had sex with a random guy about 2 weeks ago. He was a bit older than me. We used a condom and lube and all that and I was on the bottom. Unfortunately the condom broke right when he came and he came inside me. He apologised and insisted that he is clean. Obviously that means nothing. And I know HIV won't show up in a blood test for atleast 3 months so I'm unsure what to do in the mean time... is there is anything I should be doing?
A.View AnswerYou can get tested right away and you can do so by calling our friends at NZAF on 0800 802 437. 3 months is considered the international benchmark i.e. it could take up to that long for antibodies to be detected but in many cases they appear earlier. A diagnoses is possible earlier than the 3 month mark.
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Q. What are your thoughts on going to a gay sauna (e.g. Centurian). I'm worried that heaps of the guys there will have HIV/Aids and that consequentially I could get it. Are these venues suitable for younger guys say 18ish, do they attract mostly older men?
A.View AnswerSaunas can be a great way to meet other guys for sex. Some guys prefer saunas to dating sites because it’s easier to see what you’re getting - no-one can hide behind fake profiles or pics that are 5 years old. There’s nothing to suggest that more guys at saunas have HIV, compared to other hook-up spaces such as dating sites or beats. If you use condoms and water-based lube you don’t need to worry. As for the age thing, venues cater for guys of all ages, if you go and don’t find anyone you want to hookup with, then that’s fine, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.
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Q. I have had sex with an unknown girl. I met her in a club then we came home and I fucked her without a condom. It's the first time I've had sex without a condom and I'm not sure about that girl. She has had sex before and she was telling me that she has also fucked unprotected once with another guy...I am afraid now :( Could I have HIV ?? Please help I'm 21 and she is 18.
A.View AnswerIf you’ve had unprotected sex then there is an increased chance of contracting HIV and other STIs such as syphilis and Hepatitis C. If you are concerned we suggest you call our friends at NZAF on 0800 802437 and book a free FASTest for HIV, syphilis and Hepatitis C. One painless finger prick is all they need from you, and within 10-20 minutes you will have your test results. Appointments can be booked anytime Monday to Friday, between 9am and 5pm.
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Q. My girlfriend wants to have anal sex and i'm willing to but we don't want to use a condom and get caught so, no condom. What can happen if I cum in her butt?
A.View AnswerWe’re not sure what you mean by getting caught - if you mean that you’re worried someone will find the used condom in the trash then you could always flush it down the toilet (don’t tell MetroWater we said that). Regardless, we recommend you use a condom because unprotected anal sex is by far the riskiest sexual activity, around 20 times riskier than vaginal sex.
Your dick is very vulnerable when it comes to STIs. It’s the moist lining inside the dick eye (the little hole at the end) and under your foreskin if you’re uncut that allows STIs to enter your body. And then there’s her arse - the lining of the arse is like a sponge that easily absorbs STIs. Condoms are the way to go.
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Q. Hey, I'm a virgin and am contemplating hiring a male escort for sex. What are your thoughts on this? Also If I do go through with it and we both wear condoms, do you think I’ll be safe? (disease wise).
A.View AnswerHi, we are not here to judge anybody for who they have sex with, what we do care about is that whenever you have (hopefully awesome) sex you are using condoms & lube, and therefore safe from HIV and other STIs. The first time you have anal sex can BE a long and difficult process, and to ensure you are safe, it is not something you should rush. Whoever your first partner is, be sure it is someone you can communicate with, and who with whom you can be confident and relaxed. For more info check out our First Timers guide http://www.getiton.co.nz/great-sex-safe-sex/first-timers/
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Q. I met this cool older guy online, and we are going to have sex and that, I've only been with 2 dudes, and always used a condom, I'm not sure how many guys he has been with but has been in two long relationships. We are both super keen to try bareback sex, but i only want to if it is super safe, if he and I were to get tested and have the certificates, and all was ok, would that make it safe? Ok? Another question is using his cum for lube to make me cum dangerous? I'm uncut.... Thanks
A.View AnswerIt’s awesome that you’ve always used condoms in the previous times you’ve had sex, as this is the only way to really relax and be safe in the knowledge that your sex is hot, steamy and safe. To properly answer your question it might help to break up the answer.
First of all, how come you want to have bareback sex? If you are a top you might imagine it feels better without a condom, but how about trying some different types, sizes etc? There are heaps of different brands and shapes; there will be one that works for you, promise! If you are the bottom, ask yourself, how many other guys has he asked this of? Whatever his reasons are, your health and safety is waaay more important than his pleasure. If he really liked you, he wouldn’t ask you to compromise your health for him.
Secondly, even if you’ve both had HIV and STI tests, how many times has he had unprotected anal sex since his last test? Don’t forget, he is asking you to have unsafe sex with him too. Also, and very importantly, there is up to a 3 month window when someone can have HIV and still test negative. We can’t say enough that what you are suggesting (also known as ‘negotiated safety’) is not a safe strategy for reducing your risk of contracting HIV. In fact there are a lot of guys out there who now have HIV through practicing this.
The only way to be safe is to use a condom and lube every time you have anal sex.
Finally, yes, using his cum as lube to wank with is potentially dangerous, as cum can carry HIV, just use water-based or silicon lube.
We really hope you continue your commitment to safe hot sex, if you want to talk it out some more you can get in touch with the NZAF, they have a fantastic free, nationwide testing and counselling service, just ring 0800 80 2437 or click here for more info http://www.nzaf.org.nz/our-services/item/talking-to-someone.
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Q. I just read your response on the last question that receiving oral sex has no risk. This is a two part question what if the sex worker had bleeding gums? I have had oral sex from several sex workers (w/o condoms) and have never caught anything. If it is not possible to get HIV can you get other STIs from receiving oral sex?
A.View AnswerHi, there may have been a little misunderstanding in one of our answers. It is not impossible to contract HIV from oral sex, but the risk is very low. The risk is increased if the person giving the oral sex has bleeding gums.
The risks of other STIs associated with oral sex are the transmission of oral herpes to the genital skin, transmission of syphilis and a potential risk of gonorrhea. There is also a risk of acquiring non-specific urethritis from the normal bacterial organisms that live in the month.
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Q. Sometimes I like to tease my partner before anal intercourse by pushing my penis into his arse a little, not too far, but pushing and slightly entering. Is there any or much risk involved for either of us in this? Our relationship is open.
A.View AnswerI’m guessing you mean doing this teasing without a condom, and then putting one on before you have full anal sex?
Any genital contact where there are body fluids involved (and there may be pre-cum in which there may be bacteria or viruses) can provide a risk of infection. We suggest you use condoms for any penis/anal contact, and to go to your local sexual health clinic for a check up.
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Q. I had sex on 24th Oct and i had my last period on 10 Oct. This month I didn't get my period. Is there a chance of me getting pregnant?
A.View AnswerYes, there is a chance of pregnancy, pregnancy tests are available at any pharmacy for around $20.
If you have any concerns about taking the test you can go to your GP and they can administer a test for you. It would also be a good idea to get tested for STIs if you have had unprotected sex.
If you are concerned about becoming pregnant the best form of contraception and protection from STIs is using condoms & lube everytime you have sex. They are available at supermarkets, pharmacies, and are available in bulk for only $3 from your nearest sexual health clinic or Family Planning. Also, Get it On! can send you some condoms in an unmarked envelope, just click the link below.
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Q. if I go with call girl or prostitue but I dont intercourse, but I do kissing & smootching,hugging, it is secure?
A.View AnswerAll of the things you describe are extremely low risk for HIV. Condoms and lube will protect you from HIV and other STIs if you decide to go further with a sex worker.
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Q. Hi, very recently I had an encounter with a sex worker. While I did wear a condon while having sex with her. She did give me oral sex without me wearing a condom. Am I at risk of contacting HIV if she might be HIV positive?
A.View AnswerWearing a condom for sex is around 98% effective for preventing the transmission of HIV. There is no risk of getting HIV from receiving oral sex.