Coming Out
Top Four Q&A (Coming Out)
All Q&A (Coming Out)
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Q. Is it weird that I have a girlfriend and crave her pussy...but like guy porn but would never get with a guy? I am not gay and I am not bi as I would never get with anyone but what does this mean I am?
A.View AnswerIt may sound cliche, but you really don’t need to attach a label to your situation. There are straight guys out there who enjoy watching gay porn - some of them might never end up fucking a guy and some might. It doesn’t need to be defined or labelled. However, it might be worth talking to someone about it, especially if it is causing you to worry. We suggest calling 0800 80 2437 to make an appointment with one of the NZAF’s free nationwide counselors.
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Q. I'm gay and I'm too scared to let my friends know. Please help me.
A.View AnswerTelling your friends you are gay can be difficult but at the end of the day if they are true friends they will accept you for whoever you are. It might be helpful to talk to someone else first - someone who has been there before and understands what it feels like. You can chat to the team at OutlineNZ (0800 OutlineNZ), or if you’re under 28 you can contact Rainbow Youth.
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Q. I really really like this guy Paul (I've had a crush on him for over a year) but am not 100% sure hes gay. By the way were both 15 and I don't know if this counts for anything, but he's never dated a girl before and most of his friends are girls plus he is very feminine. Anyway I've invited him to this party where nearly all the people going know I'm gay and I want to tell him then at the party. Do you think this is a good idea? What should I do?
A.View AnswerTelling him that you’re gay is probably the right place to start if you’ve got a crush on him and want to be more than friends. However, keep in mind that not all 15yo guys are comfortable with their sexuality. If he is gay, he might not be ready to come out himself or even confront his sexuality. So if you’re going to tell him be sensitive to the fact that he may be uncomfortable due to his own situation. Perhaps you could pull him aside during the party and tell him in private, so he has a chance to respond without feeling like everyone is watching him.
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Q. My boyfriend is straight, married (long distance) and messes around with other girls. But he likes blow jobs and rimming... is he a real straight? Our relationship is already 3 years and involves money...
A.View AnswerThink of sexuality as a spectrum – you’ve got completely straight at one end and completely gay at the other, with many guys falling somewhere in between. It sounds like your man might be somewhere on that line but we can’t tell you where. The best thing to do is ask him. He might not want to talk about it but he is the only one that can answer your question. If you want to talk about it with someone else we suggest calling 0800 80 2437 to make an appointment with one of the NZAF’s free nationwide counselors. They can help you work through your feelings about your relationship and his sexuality.
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Q. I was wondering if it's normal for a 13 year old to be gay or bi and if it's ok for him to have sex or blow jobs?
A.View AnswerIf you’re feeling attracted to other guys then you are probably gay or bisexual. There is no ‘normal’ age to come to terms with your sexuality - some guys realise it in their teens and others much later in life. If you feel like you’d like to talk to someone about it, you can chat to the team at OutlineNZ (0800 OutlineNZ), or if you’re under 28 you can contact Rainbow Youth. As for having sex, we’re not here to judge, but we will point out that having sex with someone under the age of 16 is against the law. We suggest giving the great team at YOUTHline a call on 0800 37 66 33 to talk it out first. Also, don’t feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do. If and when you have sex, be sure to use condoms & lube, to protect you and your partner from STIs and HIV.
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Q. I’m 19 and still a virgin and I’m gay but haven’t told anyone as I’m too scared. I don’t want to go near a guy as my penis is really small like when its flaccid its like maybe 5cm long and my foreskin doesn’t retract when I get hard. I don’t want to see a specialist in case he starts touching me and I get horny would be so embarrassing. Help!
A.View AnswerIt is important to know you can have great sex regardless of the size of your cock and there is no such thing as normal when it comes to shape and size. We suggest calling 0800 80 2437 to make an appointment with one of the NZAF’s free nationwide counsellors. They can help you work through your feelings about coming out, and help you to develop your own sexual confidence. If you would like to see a specialist about your foreskin we suggest asking for a female specialist if that makes you more comfortable, or ask one of the NZAF counsellors if they can recommend a specialist you would be comfortable with. NZAF counsellors are here to listen and are used to talking through issues of all kinds.
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Q. being homosexual is not a choice right? and can it mean the sexual attraction of male features (e.g. hair or muscle)?
A.View AnswerFeeling sexualy attracted to members of the same sex as yourself is not generally considered a choice, and the level of attraction can vary from person to person. Whether you choose to act on this attraction is entirely up to you. If you are experiencing some level of same-sex attractions, and feel like you’d like to talk to someone about it, you can chat to the team at OutlineNZ (0800 OutlineNZ), or if you’re under 28 you can contact Rainbow Youth.