Am I Normal?
Top Four Q&A (Am I Normal?)
All Q&A (Am I Normal?)
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Q. I’m straight but chicks in my class think I’m gay and tease me that I’ve not had a girlfriend. They are nonstop making jokes about it. What should I do because it’s getting annoying? My friend suggested I ask you guys. I hope you can help because it’s very awkward. They also say I’m gay to others so how can I convince them I’m not?
A.View AnswerWe like this quote from Richard Fry: “Straight boys, if anyone thinks you’re gay, take it as a MASSIVE compliment.” How you react to being called gay says a lot about who you are as a person and how you see the world.
But if it’s really bothering you it’s a good idea to talk to someone about it. You can call Youthline on 0800 376633 – they are there to help. Pink Shirt Day also has some great resources for coping with bullying. Click on the link below.
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Q. Why is my cock so big? I'm 13 and my cock is huge… about 25cm flaccid. Is this normal? I can barely fit it in my briefs. I also have pubic hair growing on my knob, is that the norm?
A.View AnswerA lot of young guys worry about whether their dick is normal or not. But there really is no such thing as normal when it comes to shape and size of your cock. They come in all shapes and sizes and you can have awesome sex regardless of how big or small it is.
As for the hair on your cock, there are options for hair removal if it bothers you. The best thing to do would be to visit a clinic that specializes in hair removal. They will be able to assess your situation and recommend an appropriate treatment. Don’t be embarrassed about discussing your situation with a professional – they are there to help and are used to dealing with all manner of issues.
If you feel like you need to talk to someone more about it, we suggest calling 0800 80 2437 to make an appointment with one of the NZAF’s free nationwide counsellors. NZAF counsellors are there to listen and are used to talking through issues of all kinds.
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Q. Why do some guys cum so fast? When my mate and I have a mutual wank he seems to cum very quickly (like in 5-10 mins). He doesn’t want to call or visit a doctor what should he do?
A.View AnswerPremature ejaculation is a common issue for many guys. But to be honest, it doesn’t sound like your mate has much of a problem. It’s not unusual to reach orgasm within 5-10 minutes when you’re wanking.
If your mate is really bothered by it, then slowing down and increasing his ‘staying power’ is the answer. When he feels an orgasm edging on he can try stopping and waiting until the ‘heat’ slows down a bit and then starting again. If he keeps doing this he should be able to last longer.
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Q. I am a 25yo male and I get horny when I sleep. Almost every day I wake up with an erection. Sometimes I worry what will happen if I am sleeping at a friend’s house or on the bus and find myself in this situation. Help!
A.View AnswerMost healthy guys wake up in the morning with an erection; it’s often referred to as ‘morning wood’. Waking up usually occurs after a session of Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep. Just about everyone gets an erection during REM sleep, while you’re dreaming. That’s why you often wake up from a dream, with a hard-on.
Unfortunately there’s not a lot you can do to avoid it because it is completely normal. It can be embarrassing if you’re sharing a room or staying at a friend’s house. One thing you could do is set your alarm clock for 10 or 15 minutes earlier to give it time to go down. Or sneak into the bathroom and have a quick wank.
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Q. I am 17 and from a very small town far away from others. I only just recently met other gay kids around my age but I have found out that out of them all I'm the only one that still has my virginity and nearly all of them are younger than me. I talked to someone that facilitates a group for gay youth and he himself told me I was weird for not losing my virginity yet. He seemed surprised. Am I weird? Because I really feel like it.
A.View AnswerNo, you’re not weird. Many guys lose their virginity at a much later age than 17. There really is no such thing as a normal age to lose your virginity. To be honest, some guys talk shit when they talk about losing their virginity so you’re not doing yourself any favours by comparing yourself to them. Do what feels right for you, don’t worry about what others tell you, and don’t feel pressured into doing something just because you think everyone else is doing it. You only lose your virginity once and the memory of it will stick with your forever so you better make sure it’s on your terms and it’s what you want to do.
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Q. Is it weird that I have a girlfriend and crave her pussy...but like guy porn but would never get with a guy? I am not gay and I am not bi as I would never get with anyone but what does this mean I am?
A.View AnswerIt may sound cliche, but you really don’t need to attach a label to your situation. There are straight guys out there who enjoy watching gay porn - some of them might never end up fucking a guy and some might. It doesn’t need to be defined or labelled. However, it might be worth talking to someone about it, especially if it is causing you to worry. We suggest calling 0800 80 2437 to make an appointment with one of the NZAF’s free nationwide counselors.
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Q. Why does it take me so long to cum? When I fuck a dude it can take me up to 3 hours to cum, so he's usually over it when he cums and I rarely get a chance to cum. Is this normal? Is there any way to cum quicker?
A.View AnswerYes this is normal. It’s not uncommon for some guys to take longer to cum. Thankfully there are some ways to work around it…
Some guys find that some positions are better than others when trying to cum so try experimenting a little and see if there’s a position that helps you get there quicker.
Physical chemistry can also play a huge part: some guys find it easier to cum when there’s very strong chemistry with the guy they’re fucking and they’re both totally into each other. There’s nothing wrong with hooking up with a random dude but for some guys that’s not enough to get their rocks off - they need to feel a connection beyond the obvious.
Have a think about what turns you on and what would help you cum easier. Maybe have some porn playing in the background. Maybe spend more time on foreplay so you are super horny by the time you start fucking. Try talking dirty. Or tell the guy you’re fucking that it’s ok if he cums first and when he’s done just wank yourself.
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Q. Why do I cum so quickly? Whenever I get a hand-job or have sex I cum very fast. I am 25 years old. Please help me.
A.View AnswerPremature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual issues that men face, so you are not alone. In fact, it can affect up to 30% of men. There are a lot of different factors that can cause you to cum quickly such as anxiety, repetitive learned behaviours, excessive arousal or muscular tension. Figuring out which factor or factors are affecting you is key to helping overcome it. There is a great article below that has tips for overcoming each of these issues:
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Q. I am 16 years old, and I am gay. I only seem to be attracted to straight guys though, because I love their masculinity and the way they act. I was wondering, are there any gay guys that act this way (very masculine and manly) because that's all I seem to be attracted to. Do these types of guys exist?
A.View AnswerYes, these types of guys definitely do exist. There are many types of guys who are gay and some of them fit into common gay stereotypes and some don’t. The term “straight acting” is often used to describe the guys you are talking about - although some guys dislike this term because they don’t feel like they are “acting” at all - they are simply gay guys who don’t fit in to common gay stereotypes. Check out some links below for more info:
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Q. I'm 15 years old and my penis is 16cm long and 15cm width is it normal?
A.View AnswerA lot of young guys worry about whether their dick is normal or not. But there really is no such thing as normal when it comes to shape and size of your cock. They come in all shapes and sizes and you can have awesome sex regardless of how big or small it is.
If you feel like you need to talk to someone more about it, we suggest calling 0800 80 2437 to make an appointment with one of the NZAF’s free nationwide counsellors. NZAF counsellors are there to listen and are used to talking through issues of all kinds.
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Q. I've been mainly a top since I've started having sex because quite often when I bottomed it quickly became uncomfortable, so I stopped trying for a few years. Recently though I've really wanted to get back into it as I keep hearing how great bottoming can feel when it's done right. I can take a dick well enough now that I've got the right mindset, but I can't seem to get that exciting feeling through prostate stimulation that a lot of other guys seem to be able to get. I've been reading up on it and tried tips like finding your prostate with your fingers and stimulating it etc. The problem is I can't seem to get that awesome sensation that most other guys seem to be getting. I do feel 'something', but it's neither a good nor bad feeling. Does your body take some time to learn how to take pleasure out of that feeling or am I just one of those unlucky few that can't seem to get any fun out of it at all?
A.View AnswerYes, it can take time to get used to the feeling and to find it pleasurable - some guys love it right away and some guys don’t. But if you keep trying and you still don’t get any pleasure from it then maybe it’s just not for you.
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Q. My boyfriend is straight, married (long distance) and messes around with other girls. But he likes blow jobs and rimming... is he a real straight? Our relationship is already 3 years and involves money...
A.View AnswerThink of sexuality as a spectrum – you’ve got completely straight at one end and completely gay at the other, with many guys falling somewhere in between. It sounds like your man might be somewhere on that line but we can’t tell you where. The best thing to do is ask him. He might not want to talk about it but he is the only one that can answer your question. If you want to talk about it with someone else we suggest calling 0800 80 2437 to make an appointment with one of the NZAF’s free nationwide counselors. They can help you work through your feelings about your relationship and his sexuality.
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Q. My boyfriend is really horny. He turns 18 in a week and he only wants dick, anyone's dick. That turns me on but worries me. What is happening to us? And what can we do about it?
A.View AnswerThe best thing to do is talk about it with your partner and agree what you are both comfortable with. It can be an awkward conversation at first but it sounds like one you need to have. Do you want monogamy? Do you want to let each other have sex outside the relationship? What are the limits? There’s no right or wrong answer here - the most important thing is that you are both happy with what you decide.
Be sure to use condoms and lube every time - even with each other. You could have a conversation like this:
“Because you care for me I know that it would be really hard to tell me you’d fucked someone else, that you’d had unprotected sex, and to be honest about everything else you might get up to. Just like it would be hard for me to tell you if I did any of those things. Since nothing’s as important as caring for each other, let’s use condoms.”
Lastly, our friends at NZAF have a free counseling service so you might like to consider talking to them about it (you can visit the counselors individually or as a couple). You can call NZAF on 0800 802437 to make an appointment.
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Q. I was wondering if it's normal for a 13 year old to be gay or bi and if it's ok for him to have sex or blow jobs?
A.View AnswerIf you’re feeling attracted to other guys then you are probably gay or bisexual. There is no ‘normal’ age to come to terms with your sexuality - some guys realise it in their teens and others much later in life. If you feel like you’d like to talk to someone about it, you can chat to the team at OutlineNZ (0800 OutlineNZ), or if you’re under 28 you can contact Rainbow Youth. As for having sex, we’re not here to judge, but we will point out that having sex with someone under the age of 16 is against the law. We suggest giving the great team at YOUTHline a call on 0800 37 66 33 to talk it out first. Also, don’t feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do. If and when you have sex, be sure to use condoms & lube, to protect you and your partner from STIs and HIV.
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Q. I met my partner a year ago and we now live together. At first the sex was great. Since then he has stopped smoking cannabis and now has no sex drive. He has smoked it since he was very young (we are both 47) and said he always had a good sex drive while using cannabis. I have a high sex drive so this is causing us problems. I have asked if he finds me attractive and he says he does, but if he does then why does he not wish to be intimate with me! I am now doubting his feelings towards me but he is adamant he loves me and finds me attractive. A relationship without intamicy is not something I look forward to for the rest of my life. Intamacy is important in all relationships and I know this is going to cause problems for us. Can you tell me if his ceasing the use of cannabis has anything to do with it?
A.View AnswerThere are a variety of factors that can adversely affect sex drive in men - stress and changes in lifestyle being the most common. We can’t confirm if ceasing the use cannabis has anything to do with it in this case. The best thing you can do is encourage your partner to visit his GP or call our friends at NZAF on 0800 802437 to make an appointment with a counsellor and try to determine the cause. The good news is once the problem or issue is addressed a return to normal sexual functioning is usually expected.
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Q. Is there any way to straighten a curved penis?
A.View AnswerA quick Google search will reveal thousands of various methods of straightening a curved penis, many of which are non-surgical. However it’s always best to talk to a professional than to rely on information found on-line. We suggest you talk to a specialist who can help you make an informed decision. If you’re not sure who to talk to you can call our friends at NZAF on 0800 802437 - one of their counsellors should be able to refer you to a specialist in this area.
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Q. I’m 19 and still a virgin and I’m gay but haven’t told anyone as I’m too scared. I don’t want to go near a guy as my penis is really small like when its flaccid its like maybe 5cm long and my foreskin doesn’t retract when I get hard. I don’t want to see a specialist in case he starts touching me and I get horny would be so embarrassing. Help!
A.View AnswerIt is important to know you can have great sex regardless of the size of your cock and there is no such thing as normal when it comes to shape and size. We suggest calling 0800 80 2437 to make an appointment with one of the NZAF’s free nationwide counsellors. They can help you work through your feelings about coming out, and help you to develop your own sexual confidence. If you would like to see a specialist about your foreskin we suggest asking for a female specialist if that makes you more comfortable, or ask one of the NZAF counsellors if they can recommend a specialist you would be comfortable with. NZAF counsellors are here to listen and are used to talking through issues of all kinds.
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Q. I am 19, gay, and a virgin. I have never kissed a guy or had a boyfriend. My question is: is it normal to not enjoy masturbating? I enjoy the feeling of having an erection but when I try to wank it feels no different to stroking any other part of my body and I can never reach orgasm. The only times I have ever orgasmed is when I’ve had wet dreams, and even then it wasn't pleasurable, kinda like peeing in short bursts. Is all this normal? Am I going to be able to keep it up and orgasm when I get with a guy? I am sure of my sexuality and I don't consider myself asexual, I get really horny but wanking doesn't get me off.
A.View AnswerAll people are made differently and have different responses to different forms of touch. You as yet may not have found what works for you. I would suggest that you go along and see a doctor to ensure that there is nothing happening physically. If your concerns persist after a medical check you could head along to one of NZAF centres and have a chat with one of the trained and professional staff. The service is free nationwide, just ring 080080AIDS and follow the prompts.
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Q. I can cum by myself but not when I’m with someone intimately... How do I fix this?
A.View AnswerIntimacy is something that we can all struggle with, and sometimes we don’t always get the right information about how to create and maintain it. If you’d like to talk to someone about it you could get in touch with the NZAF counselling service, it’s free across New Zealand, just ring 09 3095560.
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Q. I'm gay and all I've had is a lot of casual sex, I also used to work in the sex industry in the past. I've meet a lot of really nice guys that I like etc. However every time I have sex with a guy that I like I always make excuses never to see them again. I’ve never had a long term relationship or been in 'love' and I’m 25. I have started to date guys and leave sex for later (i.e. a few weeks or a month) and that doesn’t work. Should I go and see a therapist or some other professional?
A.View AnswerSounds like you have a few questions about relationships and how to make them work better for you. You are definitely not alone on that one! If you feel like having a chat about it you could make an appointment to speak to one of the qualified and professional NZAF counsellors about relationships. It’s free and all across New Zealand. Just ring 09 3095560.
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Q. If I masturbate at least 3 times a week, is it normal to be difficult to have orgasm during sex with my boyfriend without a vibrator?
A.View AnswerThere is no normal when it comes to coming! Everybody has different triggers and levels of stimulation needed to orgasm, some people orgasm at the drop of a hat, and some people have difficulty orgasming at all, the important thing is to do what feels good and stay safe.
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Q. I am a seventeen year old girl who is obsessed with masturbation & sex in general. I masturbate frequently and up to 6 times a day. Is this healthy?
A.View AnswerMasturbating is totally health and normal, and there is no daily minimum or maximum number of times people do it. If it’s concerning you though and you’d like some peace of mind, you could have a chat to your GP or sexual health professional.
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Q. My cock is small and I want to increase, tell me what can I do?
A.View AnswerPenis size varies considerably, and it’s highly unlikely that your penis is outside the normal range. Don’t get sucked in to any of the magic cures you may see online or in your spam email folder, they are most definitely scams! If you are really concerned you can make an appointment with your GP or see a doctor at a sexual health centre.
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Q. I'm 19 years old. I am uncircumcised, and when I get a full-on erection my foreskin doesn't retract at all. In all the porn movies and my boyfriends, their penises all retract their foreskins during boners to look circumcised . Why doesn't mine?
A.View AnswerThere are several reasons this may be occurring, but the most likely is that your foreskin is too tight to retract. This is a common issue, and we recommend you visit your GP to have it checked out. If appropriate, they will be able to refer you to a urologist (specialist doctor) to discuss your options, especially if it is causing discomfort.
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Q. Is it WRONG to have sex at the age of 14?
A.View AnswerWe here at Get it On! know that our youth are engaging in all sorts of sexual behaviour at all sorts of ages.
We’re not here to judge, but we will point out that having sex with someone under the age of 16 is against the law. We suggest giving the great team at YOUTHline a call on 0800 37 66 33 to talk it out first.
Also, don’t feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do, and if and when you eventually have sex, be sure to use condoms & lube, to protect you and your partner from nasty STIs and HIV.