Am I Normal?
Q. I'm a 25 year old guy. I like both men and women but in the last 4yrs I started to like men a lot more. I used to have sex with men but not a relationship. I'm still in the process of discovering the gay world and may come out later on. I face some difficulty when I have sex with both genders (mostly with men) which is premature ejaculation. This issue used to happen when I have sex with girls but it gets worse with guys. I'm worried if I have a relationship with a guy it could cause problems for me and my partner leading to a break up. What do you think? And is that normal by the way?
Try not to worry too much. Premature ejaculation is a really common issue for men in both straight and same sex relationship and it is usually able to be sorted out. It often becomes less of an issue when you get to know your partner better and become more relaxed with them and therefore when having sex as well. If this issue continues to make you anxious then talking about it is a good idea. You might like to make a time to talk with a counsellor at NZAF about it and perhaps any other questions you have about your sexuality. Click on the link below.
Q. How many days does it take to get the free condom and lube delivered to my house?
It can take up to two weeks for delivery. Click on the link below to order free condoms and lube.
Q. I love girls but right now I would not mind doing it with a guy just to see what it's like. Is this ok?
If having sex with guys is something you have given some thought to and you are confident and happy about that decision then what’s standing in your way? Just remember to keep safe and use a condom and lube every time. Remember condoms not only protect you from contracting HIV but sexually transmitted infections too. If this is your first time you may find the video on how to have anal sex useful. Click on the link below to watch.
Q. Is it safe to swallow your own semen or urine?
There is no problem with swallowing your own cum, because you can’t catch HIV or any STI’s from yourself.
As for urine, unless a person has a urinary tract infection or STI, urine, itself, is sterile, so it would theoretically be safe to drink. However drinking your own urine might put strain on your kidneys because urine contains unwanted waste products from the body. If you drank it, it would have no valuable nutrients and all those waste products would need to be re-filtered back out of the blood. This would add on extra work for the kidneys, which can’t be good for you.
STI's & HIV
Q. I read about someone doing HIV tests at the Centaurian Sauna of random people to see how prevalent HIV is. Can you tell what the results were?
We think you might be referring to a recent study that Otago University did at the Get it On! Big Gay Out where over 1000 guys were orally tested for HIV. The full results of that study are available at the link below. But in a nutshell the findings were that 1 in 15 gay and bisexual Auckland men is HIV-positive, and of those who are positive 1 in 5 are unaware that they are infected.
On a separate note, our friends at NZAF are conducting HIV fast tests at Centaurian Sauna every Tuesday between 1pm and 3pm. This is not part of a study. It is private, confidential and purely for your own benefit of knowing your status.
Q. Ever since I was young people have suspected that I am gay, including my family. This has affected me hugely, to the point where I now have a girlfriend but I’m still attracted to guys 100%. I’m confused and have no idea what I should do in my situation. I’m scared to come out and I don’t want to hurt or embarrass my girlfriend. What can help?
It sounds really hard for you at the moment, so it’s good that you’ve made contact. Lots of guys have taken this journey before you and faced similar struggles. It sounds like it would be good for you to have a good talk to somebody about these things. Depending on your location, you may like to contact Rainbow Youth, Outline or you could contact the counselling team at NZAF (links for all these services are available below). The people you will meet in these places are very easy to talk to, experienced and skilled with issues similar to the ones you described. These are big issues so no wonder you are confused. I hope you get in touch with one of these services, they are here to help you.
Q. I'm a young guy who is bisexual. Although I have already experimented with females, I am now wanting to hook up with some guys. I have friends at schools all over Auckland but I don't know anyone that is gay or bisexual so I can't meet and experiment with them. What do you suggest I do if I am wanting to meet some gay guys who are looking for fun and not a relationship?
If you’re wanting to meet other young people like you, you could look at joining one of the groups at Rainbow Youth (link below). These guys aren’t necessarily looking for fun, but the groups are a safe place to make friends and you never know who you’ll meet.
If you’re over 18, you can try hook-up sites such as Bro Online or Manhunt and mobile phone apps such as Grindr. You should read our guidelines to hooking up online so you can stay safe (link below).
Dicks, Balls & Arses
Q. I am gay and have been with my partner for about 2.5years. We have anal sex average two times a week. I often hear people saying that a bottom's rectum area would become very loose eventually because the penis would stretch our ass when we have anal sex. As a bottom, I sometimes get worried about this fact that my ass can be loose in the future? My partner often says that would not happen unless I abuse my ass with some abnormal activities such as double or triple penetrating or using an abnormally giant dildo etc... I was considering to ask my GP about this but I thought it is quite embarrassing. It would be awesome if you guys could help me and give me "THE ANSWER".
Thanks for your question about anal sex and your concern that this will cause issues later in life. You are not the first one to have concerns about stretching of the ass. Pleasurable anal sex (with plenty of lube) does not cause harm to your anus or rectum. Your partner is right that there are some sexual practices that could cause issues over a prolonged period of time, such as fisting or multiple-penetration. But if you’re not doing those things, and you’re using water-based lube with your condoms then you shouldn’t have anything to worry about.
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