The net and all the dating sites have become a big part of the gay scene now, and it makes it a lot easier to meet guys if you don’t like the clubs and bars or if you haven’t come out yet. Some guys use the net for fast, uncomplicated hook-ups, some are online looking for love, and for a lot of us it’s some sort of mix of them both. And guys do meet and fall in love after meeting online.
Remember, it’s easy to massage the truth online – guys might shave a year or two (or more) off their age, add a few cms to their height, take a few cms off their waistlines, so don’t be that surprised if he’s not exactly what he said he is, or doesn’t quite match the photos. If he doesn’t have photos to share, you might want to give him a miss, and if you don’t have any you‘ll probably find other guys aren’t that responsive to you either.
It’s a good thing to set up the first meeting away from your home, so if he’s a creep he won’t know where you live, so a cafe or public place is a good idea for that first meeting. If you’re nervous, you might let a mate know what you’re doing and leave some contact details.
Don’t be heartbroken if you arrange everything online and then he doesn’t show up. Yes, he might be a cock-teasing prick, or he might have had something unavoidable come up. But it’s still just a fuck with a stranger, not the last chance in your life to find true love and happiness.
Some guys will pressure you for unsafe sex, that is, fucking without condoms. They might use the term “bare” or “barebacking’ or the initials “bb” to show this. Often they’ll promise you they are HIV negative and have no other STIs either. But honestly – how do you know? Why would you trust a horny stranger off the net with your health? No matter how hot he is, no matter how charming, or how much fun, insist on using condoms and lube. If he fights it, walk away. There are plenty more guys online who will do the right thing and help you look after yourself.
There are guys looking for sex online who are HIV positive, and they’re allowed to and they don’t have to tell you. Some will, some won’t. A lot of guys try and cut out anyone they think might be HIV+ by using code-words like “clean” in their ads, and asking you to be too. Some more openly say they are “disease free” and expect you to say the same. But you don’t know if they really are or not. And there’s a good chance they don’t know for sure if they are HIV positive or negative, let alone if they have syphilis or anything else. So even when someone swears on their mother’s grave they are HIV negative, you can’t be sure. Don’t expect to be told if someone you meet has HIV, but act as if everyone might have it - and use condoms and lube, that way you’ll stay safe.
Basically the same rules apply: If you want to hook up online and then fuck like bunnies, that’s great but look after yourself and use condoms and lube.